


The Love Life of Dr. Shaun Murphy

by GoodDoctorStorage (orphan_account)



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Alcohol, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Canon Autistic Character, Developing Relationship, Doctor/Patient, F/M, Fire, Fluff, Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-08-07 11:50:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16407971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/GoodDoctorStorage
Summary: Shaun and Lea are settling into their new apartment, but they still have a lot to work out. As they grow together, Shaun must learn what it takes to be in a relationship and care for the person he loves. Lea must learn how to heal from the mistakes she's made in the past.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my fanfiction. I'm so in love with the Good Doctor, so this is just a passion project.
> 
> Hope you enjoy <3 <3

Lea watched as the shadows danced on her empty apartment walls.

She was curled in the corner of the sofa, doing her best to take up the least amount of space she possible. She wanted to feel small. It made her feel less alone and more at peace with her neediness. If she took up less space, she would be less of a burden to the world around her.

As the fire danced in the fireplace and reflected onto empty walls, the loneliness she'd been feeling lately dug far deeper in her chest than it usually did.

The apartment was painfully quiet tonight. The dripping faucet echoed throughout the apartment and the fire crackled as it reached, but it wasn't enough for her. The silence scratched at her, digging deep into her past.

The emptiness made her desperate - at first a small itching desperation that quickly grew into a blazing fear that begged her to leave and run and never come home.

She hated the quiet the emptiness created. It gave her too much time to think - to dwell on the mistakes she'd made in the past. Sound gave her purpose, a distraction from her regrets.

She'd always found herself musically inclined. She would attach her life into the lyrics of a song, the beat of the instruments. It kept her mind busy and her spirits high.

But it was midnight in the apartment and she didn't have her usual escape.

Instead, she took a sip from her mug of hot chocolate, the strong scent of Baileys flowing up into her nose. It went down smooth, but she could feel her toes tingle as the alcohol spread through her veins. The strength of the alcohol was her only relief from the world around her.

As she observed the dancing fire, she felt herself being pulled into her past - a life that seemed so far ago. A life of family and fun. Where she was a child and her only worries were math problems and playground games. A time she hadn't appreciated enough and was now gone.

She found herself taken back to a family Christmas in her grandfather's home from long ago. Sitting on her grandpa's lap, she laughed as she sipped hot cocoa and watched the fire. Everything was perfect. She felt at home. Warm. Safe. Loved.

Her surroundings now seemed so unfamiliar in contrast despite the similarities they shared. A fire danced and she had the sweet drink she craved, but it wasn't the same. Nothing was the same anymore.

These newly renovated apartment walls were cold and bare. She had no furniture of her own to fill the space with. Only a thin blanket separated her from the cold air that seemed to seep the energy from her.

But the biggest contrast was the lack of support she now felt. In the memory, she had been surrounded by kin that cared about her. People that wanted to see her succeed. Now, her biggest supporter had passed away, and she missed him dearly.

She had so few friends to spend time with that she wondered if any had been her friends to begin with. Most were still upset she'd left to Hershey so suddenly, but she'd expected them to be a little happier that she'd returned.

And her family situation had been ripped apart. Unable to save the shop, her brother still blamed Lea for the failure, although it had been too far gone for her to do anything. She'd done her best, but it was never enough.

This apartment had no family for her to hold, no memories to make her feel safe, and no belongings to comfort her. She felt numb. She was nothing.

When she could no longer feel like a failure anymore, hatred grew from within. It was easier to blame the world around her than face her own feelings. She'd count the number of people that had turned on her.

Hershey had failed her.

Her friends had failed her.

Her family had failed her.

Her brother had failed her.

_Shaun had failed her._

The fire does nothing to soothe the cold trembles as they rock through her body. She's frozen from fear, unable to move from her spot on the couch and pull herself into her bed. Another sip of her warm drink calms her nerves.

Her mind was dark with anxiety and pain. As she takes a deep breath, she finds herself unable to stop her mind from slipping into the dark corners that fog her thoughts.

She trembled as she broke down. She held tightly onto her mug, nervous that the shaking liquid would spill over and burn her legs.

She couldn't help feel ashamed at what her life had become.

She could blame everyone around her, but in the end, she was the only failure. She had failed herself and everyone that loved her. Tears streamed down her face as she recalled all the live events that had led to this moment.

And even with Shaun supporting her, she now felt like she still wasn't worth supporting. She wasn't worth the soul that sat within her.

Her mind continued to race to Shaun. To the life they'd built together.

"I'm so sorry Shaun," she moaned as the tears streamed, but it was wordless. She hadn't said a thing. And even if he had spoken them, he wasn't here. He couldn't hear her apology.

Shaun was the sweetest boy she'd ever met. From the day he came to retrieve his batteries, she found herself fascinated with him. She wanted to spend more time with him, taking every opportunity to get to know him. She wanted to be his best friend.

Despite their difficulties interacting at times, she yearned for his company. She was still learning to understand him and his oddities, but he seemed to enjoy her presence just as much as she did. He was the only thing that made her feel at home.

As she rushed through her memories, she relived their first kiss.

"Kiss me, Shaun," she'd directed him after moments of waiting. The moment had seemed perfect, but he'd needed to be directed that she wanted to be kissed. Was he nervous? Did he want to kiss her?

She was about to give in when she felt his lips brush against hers. They were gentle, yet moved with such need. The need that only a new passion could create. The warmth of his lips ignited her, every part of her body lighting up as he kissed her.

There was so much difference in the way he kissed her. She'd never felt this way before. Her body screamed for more...

It was the most alive kiss she'd ever experienced.

As she relived the moment, her heart fluttered in her chest. He'd put so much trust he'd put into her that day. She could feel his trust and love.

She worried she was pushing him too far at once, but Shaun seemed to enjoy every moment with Lea. For the first time in his life, he was falling for someone. He was learning to trust someone in ways he never had before.

And despite some deep-rooted issues, Lea had opened and trust him in return.

He became her inspiration. The road trip had taught her about Shaun, but more about herself than she could have ever imagined. She had been on the precipice of her dreams. Spending time with Shaun had opened her eyes.

She would move to Hershey. She would save her grandfather's shop.

If Shaun could become a surgeon, despite all odds, she shouldn't be complacent with a job she hated. She could be so much more. She could be successful.

The memories seemed to skip ahead too fast now for her to control. Her head felt groggy and heavy, pounding under the duress of her pain.

She was leaving Shaun now.

He stood in the hallway. She could tell he was forcing his smile - he had become an expert at copying the people around him and putting on a mask when needed. She also knew he was absolutely heartbroken by her decision to leave.

She didn't want to hurt him, but she had to do this. She had to become something in life.

So, she kissed him once more, his lips begging her to stay. The passion danced throughout her, but she pushed it down to keep her own heart from smashing in two.

She found her lips begging him to be okay. To move on from her, even though she'd given something to remember her by. He would just have to be okay. He barely knew her. How much could it really hurt?

And he was strong. So strong.

She wanted to be strong for him. She needed to be.

"Remember, I said borrow," she'd told him as the elevator doors closed between the two. She was sure it would be the last time she saw him. She couldn't face him again after the destruction she'd caused.

But as she placed her final bag into the car, tears streamed down her face. Leaving had hurt more than she could have ever imagined. She'd broken the only happiness she'd felt in a long time. She'd ruined her own life.

This was it. This was what living your dreams felt like.

Why did it hurt so much?

When she had returned from Hershey, she hadn't expected Shaun would be so upset with her. She thought he would be strong. She didn't expect that he would be so hurt by her actions despite her own actions causing the same effect on her heart.

_'You Hurt him. You did this Lea.'_

The words seemed to echo through her mind whenever she saw him. And when she was alone. And when she felt depressed. They never went away. They seemed to hang in the back of her mind whenever possible.

She squeezed her eyes tighter. Blackness filled her mind. She needed to shut out the words. If she shut them tight enough, maybe the memories would stop flowing through.

Maybe his hurt would go away. All she could see was the tears around his eyes as he shouted at her to leave. She had nowhere else to go.

_And he hurt you._

Shaun's door creaked open behind her, snapping her back into reality. Had he been home this whole time? She'd been sure she was alone.

She took deep breaths, doing her best to seem perfectly okay. They had worked past that fight. They were even renting an apartment together. They weren't fighting anymore. They were friends again.

She had to focus on breathing steadily, making her patterns seem normal to Shaun. She didn't want him to know the panic she had just rushed through. His medical training would surely alert him to her unstable mental state and racing heart. He was too good at his job to not notice.

She worked manually relax each finger around her cup. She hadn't noticed how hard she'd been squeezing. Her fingers had turned red from holding the beverage so strongly, clenching the cup as it grounded her in the present.

She quickly chugged back the last of the cocoa. A rush of calmness surged through her as her stomach filled with the warm liquid. He didn't need to know how much booze had been poured into it or that it was the only thing keeping her calm.

"I finished unpacking," Shaun announced.

Lea was quick to wipe her eyes on her sleeve, hiding any remaining hurt she still felt towards him. He deserved none of this. She needed to try harder.

She turned towards him as he approached, doing her best to smile at him once more.

_You Hurt him._

_And he hurt you._

She had to remind herself that Shaun hadn't yelled at her on purpose. He was different and upset. And she'd begged him to be honest with her.

Shaun hadn't failed her.

He hadn't purposely hurt her.

He had made a mistake by exploding on her. And he was trying to be better.

She would need to be better too.

Lea patted the blanket beside her. "Come sit with me."

They would need to work harder if they were going to be roommates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a small note that this fanfiction is cross posted on Fanfiction.net under the same username. Don't be concerned.


	2. Chapter 2

The apartment smelled like burning wood the day Shaun moved in with Lea.

Shaun was over the moon with joy. Everything in his life seemed to be going right. His residency was going strong and he was moving in with his best friend.

All of their belongings had been packed a few days ago and were catalogued on Shaun's checklists so he didn't leave anything behind. He was completely prepared. An air of happiness floated around him as he loaded the boxes into Lea's small car.

He couldn't help but notice that Lea was quieter than usual today. She seemed especially silent, but when he asked her what was wrong, she told him it was nothing. He didn't want to upset her any further, so he decided not to pry. If something was wrong, she'd surely tell him so.

The drive was only a few blocks, but it felt much longer without either of them speaking. She kept her eyes on the road with much more precision than usual, focused on something that wasn't there. It was very distracting for Shaun.

As they loaded in the boxes together, Shaun began to organize the contents in his head. He started to plan the order he'd unpack the items and then they'd cook dinner together and have a nice night by the fireplace. He was excited for the night ahead.

But the second Lea was inside, her eyes drifted over to the fireplace without a thought of unpacking. It seemed to be calling out to her, pulling her towards it. They were barely settled in and she was already suggesting they light the fire. He couldn't understand her fascination towards it.

All she seemed to be able to focus on was the dancing flames it produced. When she finished lighting the newspaper inside, she sat on the couch to listen to the crackling of the wood.

This bothered Shaun. He'd built this routine in his head on how they would settle into the apartment and Lea was accidently breaking it. He didn't blame her, but he just wanted to make the process as easy as possible for both of them.

"You should unpack first," he informed her. His voice was strict, but he did his best to keep it from sounding like an order. It was more of a correct suggestion.

He knew the excitement that living with a fireplace created for her, but Shaun had plenty of experience moving his spent time in the foster system. It had been a rough time in his life and he'd adapted the best strategies to survive the transition from home to home.

Unpacking was always the first thing to do in a new home. The simple act helped people settle into their chance of space and aided in quickly adjust to their new surroundings. It was not only important to Shaun but practically branded into his mind as a rule. He needed to unpack his things so that he could quickly adjust. It was vital for his mental health.

"I have nothing to unpack," she reminded him.

He scanned the apartment around him. What she said was true. There were a few boxes of basic items, a few bags of his clothes, and his thin mattress. They hadn't had the chance to buy more things to fill the space or proper furniture for two people.

Once they were settled in, they'd need to take a trip to Walmart together.

When Lea returned from Hershey, she'd only brought a small duffle bag filled with clothing and absolute necessities. She'd been in too much of a rush to pack anything more. Because of her emotional fleeing, she now had less than six outfits to her name. And very little of anything else.

Shaun calculated how many bags actually belonged to her. Less than three backpacks were filled with her items. And since they didn't have any furniture to unpack, he decided it wasn't worth protesting any further. He'd let the issue go this time.

With a shrug as his only reply, Shaun focused his attention on the boxes. He seemed in his own personal world, too focused on his routines to continue the conversation.

Shaun squinted at the piles around him, pinpointing what was his so he could move in the most orderly fashion. Once he had reworked his plan, he started unpacking the boxes labeled Kitchen.

Lea focused on making herself at home instead. She laid a spare blanket on Shaun's crappy bus seat couch and filled the kettle with water to make a hot chocolate. She had a bottle of Baileys in her bag that she could feel herself craving already. He wasn't aware, so she'd have to sneak it while he was busy.

Shaun ignored Lea as she prepared the kettle and tried to focus on unloading the small number of dishes he owned into the cupboards. There wouldn't be enough for the both of them, but he would make do for now. He would need to go shopping for more mugs and bowls, but he could just on the way home from work and grab more.

Once he had finished unpacking the kitchenware, Shaun moved to his room to finish unpacking his remaining boxes. He didn't have many items, so he knew it wouldn't take long, but the sooner it was done the quicker he'd feel at home.

Maybe they'd even have enough time cook dinner together afterwards.

He strategically unfolded the sheets and made his bed, taking extra care to smooth out any wrinkles. (He couldn't sleep properly when his bed had wrinkles. It was the worst.)

Lea would be sharing the bed for the next few days and wasn't the best at remaking the bed. Sometimes it bothered him, but he was just so happy to be living with her he could put up with it for a while longer. He would continue to put up with it for a bit longer.

His clothes had become messy inside the boxes from being jostled around. (They must have been the boxes Lea brought in.) He took the time to refold each piece of clothing and place them into the corresponding drawers - even refolding his socks and underwear. In the end, the drawers were still mostly empty, but at least they were well organized.

Finally, he placed the photo frame that featured his brother onto the dresser. It was his most prized possession. He thought to himself as he looked into his brother's eyes.

Would Steve be proud of his decision to move in with Lea? Would he be proud of his newfound independence? Proud that he'd shared his first kiss?

The toy scalpel felt heavy in his pocket as he thought back. He couldn't help brush the back of his hand along his pocket seam to feel the item's comfort. As long as he had the scalpel, Steve was there watching over him from Heaven.

He was sure. Steve was be happy for him. He was proud of him.

Checking his clock, he realized how long it had actually taken to make his room perfect. He felt a deep urge to go check on Lea and make sure she was doing okay. With her quietness earlier, he was a bit more anxious than normal.

The fireplace burning inside his house also made him anxious and worrisome. It was unpredictable. Unsafe. He needed to check on it every so often to lessen his anxiety, even if Lea was there to keep an eye on the situation.

The door handle clicked into the frame behind him as he rushed towards the living room, a small panic building up from the inside. He needed to make sure everything was okay. He needed to be sure. He needed to see Lea safe.

Nothing had changed. The fire was contained.

The flames danced across from Lea, bits of light illuminating the surrounding space. Although he was unsure about the fire, he had to admit the lighting was flattering on her. It accented every bit of her body as the light illuminated her skin.

"I finished unpacking," he announced to the room.

Lea's only response was to shuffle on the couch. Time seemed to tick by as he watched the fire dance all the way from the kitchen. He considered the idea of starting dinner or offer to help unpack her duffle bag. If she needed his help, he was ready to please.

Lea motioned him over instead. "Come sit with me," she called from across the room as she patted the empty space beside her. Sitting with her seemed like the best option.

Shaun wiggled his head in delight as he moved over to the small seat. He sat as close as he thought was okay, though the seat didn't leave much room being meant for small children.

There was barely an inch between them. Hopefully it was enough - she hadn't kissed him since returning to San Jose and he wanted to respect her personal space.

The fire was wild and even more nerve-wracking up close, but a small cage kept the flames under control. Heat seeped from not only the fire but from Lea's body.

Despite Shaun's anxiety over the fireplace, he felt at home. Everything was better when Lea was with him.

He was extremely sensitive to her body in the quiet apartment - he could feel her heart pounding. Maybe it was only in his head, but it seemed faster than normal. (To be fair, his heart skipped too whenever he was around her. That was normal. Nothing for him to worry about. She was a very attractive woman.)

Shaun turned to Lea. Her face was tight, glistened with a single tear line down her cheek. He was correct. Something was wrong. The nagging suspicion he'd had since the car ride had been correct. He needed to say something.

"You are tense," Shaun noted out loud. He wasn't sure what else to say. He didn't want to force her to talk, but he needed to show he was there for her.

A large exhale came from deep within her chest. She reached out to him, resting her hand lightly on his leg, always careful to be gentle when she touched Shaun.

Her touch sent chills through Shaun's spine. He did his best to keep his composure as his pulse raced.

"I'm just tired," she said slowly, though it was barely more than a whisper. When she faced him, she did her best to give him a reassuring smile.

Her expression was difficult for Shaun to read, but he could understand if she wasn't ready to speak about it. He had to believe she would be all right for the time being and come to him when she was ready.

Shaun scanned his mind for things he could have said to upset her but had to give in to the possibility of other factors. Moving could put a large amount of stress on the body and it had been a long day for both of them. She was likely just stressed from moving. Hopefully everything would be better in the morning.

"I'm here if you want to talk about it," he told her in his gentlest voice. It was true. He would always be here for her.

They sat by the fireplace together, neither speaking a word. Shaun was content listening to the beating of her heart and watch the fire flicker. The sound lulled him. He would have probably fallen asleep if it wasn't for the fire that worried him.

After about an hour or so, Lea's heart rate slowed to a steadier pace and her hand fell from his leg. He looked over to find her curled into a ball, fast asleep as her chest rose and fell. Her breathing was finally peaceful. She was peaceful.

Shaun had been so busy in his own bliss he hadn't noticed how tired Lea really was.

Tilting his head, a small smile escaped his lips. She was just too beautiful. He felt like the luckiest man in the world to be here with her.

He used his strong hands to push himself off of the floor, being extra careful to not jostle the couch so that he wouldn't disturb her. He slowly pried the mug from her hand with the same carefulness he used each day at work and placed it in the sink.

Finally, he poured a bowl of water onto the fire until it was mostly smothered. It was warm, but it should be fine alone for a few moments.

He debated if he should move her. If he brought her to bed, there was a risk of waking her up, but he was also concerned that sleeping in this position might cause her muscles to become sore. It wasn't healthy for her to sleep on the couch. She would be most comfortable in his bed.

He needed to leave for work.

With the decision needing to be made soon, he decided the bed was the best option for her.

He gently placed his arms under her and helped her stand, holding her carefully as he moved her towards his bedroom. Her eyes fluttered open the slightest bit, but she was too tired to protest.

They moved together to Shaun's bedroom and he lowered her onto the bed. She would have to do without her pajamas tonight. She seemed so happy curled up on his pillow, he couldn't help but watch her happily. She was safe.

"Night Shaun," she murmured into the pillow, curling herself into a ball in his bed.

"Night Lea," he sang to her as he pulled a thin blanket over her body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is ever changing. Sometimes I go back and minorly edit chapters / notes. Welcome to anyone who is new. I really hope you enjoy this fanfiction so far.
> 
> A good note is Chapter 3 has some bits from [Season 2 - Episode 5] sprinkled within it. It is best to be caught up on all Good Doctor episodes before reading new chapters of this fanfiction. I'll rarely spoil the episodes, as this is its own story, but it might contain references.


	3. Chapter 3

Shaun didn't sleep that night.

With Lea sleeping in his bed, there wasn't much room for his body, despite his form being smaller than most men his age.

He could probably fit on the mattress if he was extra careful, but he could sense how exhausted she was. How much her body pulled her under despite how much she seemed to fight it. She needed this sleep much more than he did.

He couldn't help but notice how different she'd seemed these last few days. Not only had she been completely silent to him, but she'd her body had been pulling her down with exhaustion.

She'd been tired. Unusually so. Shaun couldn't help but notice this fact, but with him working so much, he wasn't completely aware of the cause. He couldn't keep an eye on her sleep schedule if she even had one. (He'd been surprised to learn most people didn't.)

And she'd been eating much less than before. In the few times they were together, Shaun had taken notice of this. They'd sit together to eat, but Lea barely picked at her food. He cooked for her a few times to be sure she had something to eat, but she wasn't interested.

He just didn't understand what was going on. Was she sick? Was she scared?

He didn't blame her for her strange behavior. She'd been through so much in the last year. Something big had happened in Hershey. That he knew.

But what? He wasn't sure.

It wasn't that he hadn't considered asking what was going on. He had been close to forcing the subject a few times, but it didn't come naturally. And he wasn't very gifted with the deeper subject matter. He could become upset when his emotions became too strong.

He wanted to help her, to support her through this crisis. He wanted her to heal and become whole again.

But he just didn't know how to bring up the subject or what to say.

Shaun had been close to so few people in his life that he could count them on one hand. He had zero experience to draw from when it came to depression, so little knowledge about how to comfort his friends. More research was needed.

He'd done a bit of research, but it was all medical in nature. It didn't measure up to taking care of a real person. Someone he cared deeply about.

With an alarm buzzing in his pocket, Shaun realized the time. He needed to get ready for work soon. The last hour had just flown by.

He quickly turned off the alarm to not wake her up and grabbed his bag as he rushed through the apartment door.

_"Living with you is good for me. It makes me happy."_

It was true.

He'd do his best to make her as happy as he was.

* * *

Shaun was feeling much higher in spirit as he skipped into work.

The bus ride had been long as usual, but he'd spent some time on his phone researching how to help family members with depression. (With how close they were Shaun considered her part of his little family.)

The articles had been long and had a lot of conflicting advice. He'd read some testimonials on how neurotypical people felt with clinical depression so he'd understand her better. And he had a stronger idea of what he was dealing with.

He had a plan to help her that he'd start tonight. She needed help. Professional help that he couldn't provide himself.

_"You call for a plumber when your pipes are broken. You call a doctor when your bones are broken. You need to seek professional help when your mind isn't working right too."_

Despite the horrible grammar, the quote had seemed logical. He would find her help.

_"Things will get better."_

Claire was already at the nurse's station prepping for the day's work as she reviewed their current patient's chart. She seemed in a good mood today as she hummed the information to herself.

Shaun quickly decided the best use of his time would be to do the same, even though he had previously memorized all the information the day before. As he reviewed some of the patient's forms he checked for errors on the pages.

"Hello," he chimed after a few moments of silence. He couldn't hold back his excitement any longer. Claire was his favorite colleague to share the news with.

"You seem happier than normal today," Claire noted out loud she reviewed her final chart, a smirk on her face. She already knew of the reason for his happiness - Shaun had spent the last week informing his coworkers of his moving date with Lea.

Claire just appreciated seeing him in such a good mood. The happiness suited him.

"Lea and I moved into the new apartment today," he sang. His little hands danced every time he shared the news. Just saying it made his heart skip a little.

He hadn't shared Lea's quietness with anyone yet. It wasn't his business to and he didn't feel that he needed to when he had the situation under control.

"That's great Shaun. I'm so happy for you two."

"We're only roommates, but she makes me very happy."

Claire nodded to herself, barely listening to the words. She cared very much about Shaun's life, but she was just a bit distracted at the moment.

She was deep in thought about her own love life, unable to completely take in his words. She was imagining what she'd do in his situation.

She wondered many times if she could be friends with a previously lover. It had been difficult enough to remain friends with Jared. Living with someone you love could be very difficult. It was even harder if they had previously broken your heart.

"It must be difficult to be roommates after how close you two were. I remember how much you two went through before. I'm not sure I could handle that pressure."

Shaun paused behind her, perplexed. His eyebrows furrowed. They had been really close, they'd even kissed before. Could that really make their new friendship so difficult?

And Lea had shared similar concerns with their housing situation. He could remember her quoting about possible pressures if they moved in together. Did Claire worry about the same things?

"Do all females worry about nudity, sex noises, and breakups?" he asked innocently.

Claire wasn't sure what to say. The question was inappropriate for the workplace, but she was used to these kinds of questions from Shaun. His intentions were never harmful. She would do her best to answer them, giving him the insight he usually needed to work through difficult social situations. She did her best to help him figure things out for himself.

"Sometimes... even though we say we don't want a relationship... certain things can push us towards entering one. Living together can be one of those things." She walked through the words slowly, doing her best to explain. She was concerned she might hurt his feelings when everyone knew his fondness for Lea.

"Oh," was all he replied. He could understand what Claire was saying, but he was sure Lea only wanted to be friends. She had been clear. No dating, no kissing, no sex.

And although Shaun knew feelings could change, he did his best to respect her feelings. He had much larger things to worry about anyway when it came to Lea.

With Dr. Melendez approaching, the conversation was cut short before Shaun could continue his onslaught of questions, though Claire was pretty thankful she didn't have to listen anymore into Shaun's sex life. The thought intrigued her, but this wasn't the time or place.

At least, it seemed like a usual day at work. Everyone could always rely on Dr. Melendez and their fellow residents. The stability helped to calm Shaun and take his mind off his home life.

The duo watched as Morgan followed closely behind their attendee doing her best to squeeze in some last minute good words about herself. She was telling him about some work she'd done to help a homeless man on the way to work.

Claire couldn't help but roll her eyes. She wondered if she'd only given the gentleman money so that she could brag about it later. Dr. Melendez was clearly annoyed too but couldn't say anything due to the subject matter.

"Have you two filled yourself in on today's patients?" Melendez asked as he approached the desk, looking for any escape from his conversation. He grabbed the paperwork and checked for something to further specify his conversation with Morgan was finished.

Claire nodded to him in reply. Before Shaun could also answer, Morgan was quick to show off.

"Patient is seventeen year old Aliyah Smith. She was brought to the emergency room after reporting extreme menstrual pains, which actually were pains from Appendicitis. The appendix was removed shortly after bursting by an extremely talented resident on our team."

Shaun was a little annoyed that she hadn't given him a chance to answer his superior. He already knew all the facts and Dr. Melendez had asked him specifically. She'd barely given him enough time to respond.

But he said nothing in return. Nothing that happened today could sour his high workplace spirits.

Everyone could tell Morgan was full of herself anyway (though they mostly kept it to themselves). She could be a pain in the ass, but at least the other teammates were a delight to work with.

Claire couldn't help but notice a small eye roll from Dr. Melendez in the background. It was barely there, but she'd caught onto it since she had learned to read him so well. She had to struggle to hold back a snicker.

As they entered the patient's room together, nothing could bring Shaun down. Claire knew his lips rarely smiled, but she could see the happiness in his eyes. She enjoyed being around him when he was such a beacon of joy.

Shaun did his best to focus on his work as the hours passed, but his excitement kept seeping into the back of his mind. This was his last shift for the week. He'd soon be home with Lea and they could spend the next few days together

Times were rough, but he could make a difference. He could help her.

* * *

Lea woke up suddenly in a sweat. She felt panicked and like she was drowning in her own fear, her clothes squeezing the air out of her. She choked and struggled to breathe as her body shot up and she squeezed her hands into fists.

Where was she? Was she safe? She didn't recognize the empty walls that seemed to shake around her. The room was too hot. The air felt muggy and thick.

She gripped the blanket in response, but it gave her little reassurance. She could appreciate the soft texture against her palms, but it wasn't enough to ground her when she was in such a panicked state.

Had she woken up from a nightmare? She'd been having so many nightmares lately that she'd fought sleep whenever possible. She couldn't remember falling asleep or the dreams she'd experienced, but everything seemed jumbled around. She couldn't think straight.

She fought to take deep breaths instead of the short panicked ones that forced themselves through her. It was a difficult task.

_In. Out. In. Out. In Out. In. Out._

She was breathing too fast. She couldn't think straight. She couldn't remember where she was.

After what seemed like hours, her mind began to process her surroundings. Her heart stopped pounding as strongly as she did her best to catch her breath.

She was in their new apartment. She seemed alone. Shaun wasn't home, but his scent drifted off his pillow that she'd been hugging close.

His scent helped to comfort her the smallest bit. It wasn't a ton, but it was enough to make her feel a bit more like herself. Her heart continued to race, but she could feel her overall response shifting.

 _In.._ Out.. _In.._ Out.. _In.._ Out..

Tossing the blanket to the side, she dragged herself towards the shower. She felt dirty and was sure she didn't smell like her best self. She'd need to scrub herself down before he returned home.

More importantly, the water would help to shock her body more into reality.

Lea pulled the curtain aside and twisted at the knobs desperately, unsure which knob was cold, but she couldn't be bothered to worry about the temperature.

Once the water shot steadily into the tub below, she threw herself into the shower, the walls holding her straight as freezing cold water streamed down her back.

She tried to cry, to let the fears and hurt flow from her body, but no tears would flow from her eyes. They didn't even gather in the corner of her ducts. She was empty, already too soaked from crying in her sleep from the nightmares she'd experienced. Only the shower water streamed down her body.

_In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out._

She slid to the shower floor. She didn't have the energy to hold herself up anymore. Despite just waking up, her muscles still screamed with soreness and exhaustion.

Water washing down her face instead now. She kept her arms were wrapped around her legs as her body shook. She was unsure if it was from her sadness or the freezing cold water, but it didn't really matter anymore. Either way, it was her fault. She deserved this.

As the chilling water numbed her body, she couldn't help but feel her mind becoming numb as well. Her emotions and worries began to fade away, though she knew they would always be there in the back of her head painfully throbbing away. The fears and failure that haunted her became only a small burn, a fading ember in the back of her mind.

It would have to be enough for now.

She couldn't sit like this forever. Eventually, Shaun would return. She'd need to be ready and presentable by the time he returned.

Pulling the plug from the drain, Lea stayed in her spot as she watched the remaining water drain from the tub. It was only a few inches of water, but it brought her slight pleasure to watch the water twirl as into a mini tornado.

She sat there for another ten or so minutes before finally pulling herself towards the bedroom.

She could feel a freezing cold breeze as she stripped off the waterlogged clothes and tossed them onto the floor. She briefly regretted not stripping down before entering the tub, but she hadn't been thinking right.

Her hair also dripped water, but she was too tired to do anything but let it drip puddles where she walked. It was a bit of a hazard, but she couldn't be bothered until it was too late. She would have to wipe them up before they ruined the hardwood flooring.

It would be fine. She could still fix this.

Lea searched around but seemed to be out of clean clothes. Instead, she threw on the closest clothes she could find, a messy t-shirt and jogging pants that belonged to Shaun. She'd worn lots of boyfriends clothes in the past, hopefully, he wouldn't mind too much. She'd never seen him wear these particular clothes anyway.

She wasn't feeling much better, but she felt functioning enough to get some basic stuff done.

Lea had to work to fight through her foggy mind, doing her best to prioritize her day like she always watched Shaun do. He always seemed so in control of the world around him. Maybe if she could work a little harder, she could get herself under control, but her mind seemed to fog over, making it difficult for her to even pick a single thing that needed to be done.

She started with turning on the fireplace. It did always make her feel better like she was home safe. Maybe the comfort would help her as she worked to further organize her life.

She needed to figure out a new job, new furniture, financial status. So many things worried her. The list just seemed to go on and on. Even thinking about it and where to start send her spiraling.

The slow burn would make her feel a lot better as it grounded her. Anything to help take her thoughts off her anxiety. Anything that could help her.

The fireplace stunk of gas for a few seconds as she ignited the wood, but then a smoother flame started to grow. The faint smell of smoke the fireplace expelled in her direction was the distraction she needed. She found herself inhaling the smoke feeling a bit lighter inside.

Lea took a second to check the clock on the stove. How much time did she have to prepare herself and the house for his arrival?

Lea couldn't believe it. She had been asleep for nearly twenty-four hours. She couldn't believe it. She felt no better rested. Every single one of her limbs was wracked with exhaustion and she was tempted to crawl back into bed - if only she wouldn't be pulled back into her endless nightmares.

Checking the schedule on the counter, she could see Shaun would finish his shift at midnight. Even with his bus ride, she still had very little time to be ready for his arrival.

She quickly decided her top priority was the mess she'd made in the bathroom and the puddles she'd dripped onto his floor. Her wet clothes were soaking in a pile on the bathroom floor. He couldn't come home to that. He'd be livid. He was especially particular with these two rooms.

So, she wiped the mess up with towels and threw all the clothes into a basket. Rushing to the laundry room, she hoped that the quick spin cycle would be enough.

At least the laundry room was open this late. At least no one else was here to see her a mess.

In her rush, she had forgotten to bring her laundry card to actually use the machines. She cursed at herself. Why did these things always happen to her? She poked at the machines but knew without the card she couldn't pay for the machine. She couldn't wash her clothes.

Lea stomped back into the apartment, the door banging as she slammed it into the frame. It swung back open from her powerful swing as she mumbled to herself.

She reached into her jacket pocket and then checked her jean pockets. The counters. The coffee table. The card seemed to be nowhere. She was becoming increasingly frustrated with herself. Time was running out.

The stress was almost too much. She felt like a pot that would boil over at any second. Her breath started to spike as she stomped around the apartment searching for the damn key.

_In. Out. In. Out. In. Out._

She debated calling Shaun for a brief section. Surely he would know where the card is. That boy had every part of his organized. He'd probably just put the card in a safe space so that it wouldn't be lost. If only she could remember the spot.

But Shaun was already dealing with so much at work. She refused to burden him with her problems any further. She could do this herself.

_In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out._

She felt herself spinning. Not just mentally, but physically too. As she rounded the coffee table to check next to Shaun's lamp, she realized she had moved too quick.

She was sliding, slipping through a puddle of hair water that she'd dripped. She reached to grab onto the nearest furniture to steady herself, but there was still a large bang as her body slammed against the floor.

Her mind was felt numb, but she could feel pain jolt up her arm. Something was wrong. Something was ripping her apart with pain. Her mind went black as adrenaline rushed through her.

A loud scream echoed through the apartment complex.


	4. Chapter 4

Work went long that day.

The small shift had extended into a twenty-four-hour nightmare that seemed to go on and on. In additional to the usual patients and schedules surgeries, a small car crash had steam piled into a rush of injured victims flooding the emergency room.

Shaun felt drawn back through time to his first week at St. Bonaventure Hospital during his first trauma call. There hadn't been many nights as life-draining as when he had to work on these large traumatic events since he started his residency. He was always pleased to save so many lives, but each patient pushed him to his limits. It took his full effort to process the surrounding input.

The night had been long. He had stayed longer than his shift had originally planned, but at least he would be home soon.

He could feel the exhaustion deep in his bones, tugging his eyelids together. Every step he took sapped the little spark of energy that remained. He had to manually focus on dragging each step toward the small bus stop.

He was not only physically exhausted but almost too mentally exhausted to function. The day stretched him to his functional limits as the hospital became alive with panic - something he wasn't used to when working. He was used to his fellow employees being calm and collected. When they rushed around him, he took nearly twice the focus as he analyzed the world around him. He had overworked himself by sorting all the different sounds, smells, and movement around him. The chaos swarmed him when the hospital became that frantic, making it difficult for him to process his everything at once.

He kept his mind purposely numb to lessen the impact of the stimulation around him and held the scalpel tightly in his hand. It was in his pocket, but the outline of its shape was enough for him. He was too far gone for the item to completely comfort him, but it kept him grounded. Along with deep breaths, he could stay rooted in reality as long as nothing upset him.

He yearned to be home in the new apartment with Lea. He yearned to be at home and asleep in his bed. A long rest was all he needed to heal his mind.

He shuffled with large steps hoping no one else would talk to him. And no one did. Finally, he rushed through the doors and the wind chilled him as he exited the hospital. It never snowed in San Jose, but Shaun could feed the cold Winter air freeze everything it touched. It was refreshing. A cool drink always seemed to calm him down and the Winter air was similar enough.

As he sat at on the cold bench, he couldn't help notice how the air had also frozen the metal. It pushed his senses further too his limits as the metal drained the warmth from his body. At least he wouldn't have to wait much longer for the bus to arrive. It was scheduled to arrive in four more minutes.

Shaun sat and waited. He waited for the bus the best he could, his body attempting the rocking motions that comforted him. He tried his best to avoid the rocking in case someone he knew walked by, but it was so ingrained into him from years of stress and pain. As the world rushed by around him, he did his best to force himself still. He needed to process all the moving sounds and sights but he had so little capacity left to do so. Instead, he worked to rub his scalpel through his pocket. Despite his efforts, a muffled ringing skimmed the edge of his bubble.

The bus seemed to take forever tonight. The frozen air continued to tug at his skin. He checked the schedule again even though he had tripped checked already before leaving the hospital. He even rechecked his watch and tapped at it a few times to be sure it was working. Every seemed right. The bus should have arrived minutes ago.

'It is probably just running late. No need to worry.'

All he could do was continue to wait.

The ringing noise was getting to him, digging into his skull whenever it rang. He was already frustrated from being overloaded and the sound kept grinding into him. He took deep breaths as he unfolded the wrapping around his scalpel and rubbed his thumb over the base. He needed to stay calm and collected. He had to appear professional.

Finally, couldn't stand the noise any longer. He whipped around to locate the ringing. Whoever was making the noise needed to stop. Now. He was too close to breaking down and it could not happen again so close to his workplace.

But Shaun was alone.

The seconds seemed to tick by as he took longer than normal to process his surroundings. There was no one here. And the sound wasn't coming from anything around him.

Where was the sound coming from? Why couldn't it leave him alone?

Shaun could finally process the familiarity of the noise and he felt dumb for a few seconds. It was his own cell phone. He reached into his backpack and dug deep for the phone. Usually, his phone was sitting in the side pocket, but he had thrown everything in the backpack in an effort to escape and rush straight home. Pulling out his phone, Shaun quickly checked the screen.

Dr. Glassman, Incoming Call

Shaun mustered up the last bit of his energy to answer.

"Hello," he said his monotone voice.

"Thank Heavens Shaun. We've been trying to call you for 10 minutes."

Shaun's only answer was a hum as he felt the rocking returning. He had nothing left to think of a response. He stood up to avoid rocking further and searched down the street for the bus.

"Dr. Melendez has been trying to page you. He needs you to return as soon as possible. There's been an emergency and you've been requested."

"I'm at the bus stop. I finished my shift. It would be dangerous for me to work any longer." It was true. Shaun could barely keep his eyes open. It would be dangerous for the patients if he worked at this point.

"It's… It's not for work Shaun." Shaun could hear the hesitation in Dr. Glassman's voice like he seemed to avoid something - a game Shaun was never amused by. He liked things straight.

He didn't have the attention span to pull the information from him, but at least the bus was pulling to the stop. Shaun threw his bag over his shoulder and folded his scalpel. He placed the scalpel back into his pocket as he had been fidgeting with it this whole time without realizing it. As he reached into his other pocket for his bus pass, he knew this was one of those times he needed to assert himself.

"I need to go home. Lea is waiting for me."

With a single foot stepping onto the bus, Dr. Glassman dropped the biggest bombshell of Shaun's life.

"Lea's at the hospital."

Shaun froze. Time seemed to freeze around him. Even the world continued around him and time ticked by, Shaun remained frozen in place.

The bus driver shouted something in his direction, but Shaun didn't pick up on the words. He only muttered his apologies as he moved backward and threw himself toward the hospital. He rushed towards the doors.

It couldn't be true. Lea was at home. Lea was okay. Lea had to be okay.

"Shaun?" he could hear through the phone as Glassman called to him, but his mind was already focused elsewhere. He hung up the call, jamming the phone into his back pocket as he pushed himself through the hospital's rotating doors.

He could still feel the exhaustion drag him down, but adrenaline at least now adrenaline pumped into his veins. He could feel the panic rushing through him. He had jammed it so far down, but his worry for Lea was bringing it all back up. He needed to find Lea now. He needed to see she was okay.

Shaun scanned the waiting room. It was almost empty, a few family members waiting around. It had become empty and easy to read. The one person he needed to see wasn't here.

Lea isn't here.

Shaun was only casually aware that his hand had ruffled his hair the entire time. It moved urgently, reaching for comfort that only his brother could provide. His breathing was desperate, gasping for air that seemed to suffocate him. He had wanted to avoid acting like this around the people he cared about, but it was rushing through faster than he could stop.

Claire seemed to rush around the corner at just the right time. She saw Shaun and her face lit up as if she had been searching for him the whole time, but it was quickly replaced with worry as she realized how bad he was doing. She shouted his name, mindful of his condition, but he hardly seemed to notice. He was causing a scene and Claire knew she needed to do something before it got worse.

"It's okay Shaun," she soothed him. She wanted to comfort him but knew physical contact would only upset him more. When he didn't even react to her news, she knew she needed to be more specific, but she wasn't sure what the right words were. She didn't know how to comfort him or what to say. Her hands reached towards him, but she pulled them back.

"Lea lea lea lea lea lea," His words stammered out, searching for her. It was Lea he really cared about. All he cared about was Lea.

"Lea's going to be fine."

The words spoke to Shaun on another level. That was the information he needed to hear to felt better. His body continued to rock in place and reached for his pocket. He took out his scalpel and wrung his hands around the cloth. He nodded to himself as he continued to repeat Lea's name under his breath. He needed to see her.

"I need you to calm down before I take you to her Shaun," Claire said with the same patience she gave every lost family member. She had often seen family members desperate, but she had never seen Shaun like this. It hurt her heart as she realized how much Shaun cared for his friends.

Shaun frazzled his hair one more time and pulled his scalpel from his pocket. He rocked back and forth, taking deep breaths that were in sync with his rocking. He squeezed his scalpel through the cloth.

Calmer, Shaun finally could speak.

"Where is Lea?"

* * *

 

After reviewing her charts, Shaun watched from outside the room as Lea slept. Claire had been right. She was okay.

Doctors had gathered around the room giving Shaun their support and making sure he would be all right. They could see in his eyes how much he loved her and worried about him. It was the same desperation they dealt with on a daily basis, but now the pain was in someone they knew personally. The whole medical staff was deeply affected.

When Dr. Melendez finally approached the room, his eyes were somber. He had just seen Shaun leave less than an hour ago, but Shaun's demeanor had completely changed in the short time. Instead of the strong willed surgeon he usually saw, Shaun seemed scared and empty.

"She's going to be okay Shaun. It's just a minor burn." His voice was much softer than Shaun was used to. He knew Neil was just trying to comfort him, but it wasn't much help.

"A second-degree burn is not minor. The ambulance drivers reported she was blacking in and out the whole ride here." He stared longingly through the doorway, keeping an eye on Lea as he spoke. He couldn't bear to look away.

"She was also panicking the whole ride here Shaun. She might just have a low pain tolerance. Combined with a high panic disorder, her body just couldn't handle the excitement. But, she's okay now. We treated her burns and gave her a mild sedative to help her sleep."

Shaun could barely believe this had been going on the whole time while Shaun had been working on a surgery. She had been here without him even knowing it. He could have helped her. But now, all he could do was fiddle with his fingers, unsure of what to do. With her burns treated, she didn't really need Shaun.

Dr. Melendez knew Shaun well and could tell what he was thinking.

"Why don't you go sit with her. She'll need you when she wakes up."

Shaun was unsure how true that statement was, but he knew he couldn't leave her alone in the hospital. He nodded to himself and slowly entered the room, his fingertips brushing along the door frame. Every step he took was slower than usual. He was hesitant to see her in this state - in so much pain.

He felt helpless. All he could do was enter the room and sit in the small bedside chair.

Worry danced in his eyes.

For the first time since losing Steve, he felt unable to help someone he loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the good wishes everyone. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, I'd really appreciate it. 
> 
> https://twitter.com/Slothie_Studios


	5. Chapter 5

For the first time in fifty years, snowflakes drifted gently to the ground, even building up on the tips of grass. The stars twinkled through the hospital windows. The weather was hopeful and cheery. Something was different in the air.

The entire hospital staff couldn't help gossip about the strange weather phenomenon. Weather like this always lifted spirits. Sick children rushed to the window, staff were dancing with glee, and even the sickest patients seemed cheerful. Everyone seemed to prance around, the upcoming holidays bringing joy like no other.

But the happiness wasn't radiating over to Shaun.

He sat in the chair observing the space around him in desperation. The hospital felt different today. The whitewashed hospital rooms stunk of chlorine and chemicals. Water dripped in a hand washing station down the hallway. He counted every single small rectangular ceiling tile, even the one that had been installed backward. He wished the tile could upset him like it usually would - then at least he'd feel something.

He sat in the chair fidgeting with his thumbs. He felt powerless. Hollow. Empty.

He could feel the exhausting fighting its way back through.

As the adrenaline drained from his system, he could feel the exhaustion of a full day's work pulling his eyelids closed again. He tried to fight it. He needed to fight it and keep his eyes on Lea, but he soon felt himself slipping back into darkness.

* * *

 

Lea slept peacefully. Her mind was empty from the strong painkillers that had been pumped into her. She couldn't feel her emotions and her body felt numb. Her dreams were filled with swirling colors and pictures she seemed to float through with little reason or purpose. She was everywhere. And nowhere.

She slept for what felt like an eternity. The world continued to move around her, but she was unaware.

She felt a lot better than she recently had. She couldn't feel the pain or fear that had recently plagued her. She felt so much better than she'd been feeling since she returned. If only she could just continue on like this longer.

She couldn't.

Suddenly, she felt herself fall. The clouds broke into bits of colored fog as she smashed through them rapidly. She could feel everything rushing back as she grasped around her, desperate for something to hold on to. All the fear and heartache was too much for her. She wasn't ready to face the world again. She needed help.

The world around turned darker and darker, eventually stopping at the darkest shade of black she'd ever seen. She was blinded by it. And somehow she knew the ground was there as she fell towards it. She was going to smash into it and there was nothing she could do.

Instead of hitting the ground, her eyes snapped open and she slammed back into reality.

As she awoke, she jerked forward violently in fear. She gripped at the bed as her new surroundings rushed around her. The world seemed to spin around her from moving too quickly, so she took longer than usual to process the room. The hospital lights were blinding, and the walls smelled strongly of chemicals. Is this how Shaun felt every day?

She couldn't recognize any of her immediate surroundings. Her heart rate jumped as her panic set in. She was breathing so fast that her lungs couldn't grab the oxygen from the air.

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

The first thing she noticed the pain in her hands. Searing pain that grew quickly now she was aware of it. It was a rough, tugging pain that felt like her skin was being ripped open. She could barely remember what had happened, but as the drugs wore off she realized the pain was coming from the blankets she gripped.

She opened her hands slowly and focused on them. She checked for blood or scrapes, but there were none. Instead, they were white, covered with gauze bandages and tape. She narrowed her eyes as she slowly realized these were the right hands. These were hers. They were just covered.

She focused on opening her palms to drop the gripped sheets that caused her pain, but she quickly learned the pain was coming from her hands. When she flexed her hands the smallest bit of the skin would twist and tear and send shocks up her wrists that were more painful than anything she'd ever experienced.

Tears gathered in her eyes as painful memories came flooding back in.

_The pain was seared through her, striking like lightning rushing to the ground in a dry desert storm. The smell of cooked flesh insulted her nose, and she finally understood how smells were so integral to Shaun's life._

_She could hear a scream but was unaware it came from her own mouth._

_She fought through the pain, pulling her hands from the burning metal. She could feel them rip apart. Pain. So much pain. She had to be strong._

_She needed help. She had been injured before, but never with pain like this - never pain so unbearably powerful. It made her mind swirl and her eyes drip with tears._

_Lea just needed to crawl to her phone and dial 911._

* * *

 

A choking sound woke Shaun at once.

He snapped into full surgeon mode, immediately fully awake and functional. Hopping to the balls of his feet, he rushed over to her bedside. He checked the monitors, but Lea wasn't hooked up to any of them. He moved his hands forward to check her pulse.

Shaun stopped reaching towards her wrist once he saw her face. Lea was breathing just fine. Instead, the choke was coming from deep inside her as sobs racked through her body. She was staring at her bandaged hands, tears streaming down her face, a few dripping onto her shirt. She was hurting.

He was unsure of what to do if she wasn't in immediate danger. He had been trained to help someone like a doctor, but he was unsure of how to comfort her as a friend. He played with his thumbs for a few seconds until finally deciding that she was likely crying from pain and he could fix that. He straightened up and grabbed her chart.

"Are you hurting?" he asked her, his voice gentle, unsure if the question addressed her physical or mental state. There was a much better way for him to phrase it, but he was too worried about Lea to think through his training. It was a dumb question with an obvious answer, but he wasn't sure what else to do.

Lea nodded and sucked up snot. Her hands and her heart were aching. She wasn't sure which hurt more, but at least something was hurting.

Shaun nodded to himself. He didn't know how to help Lea emotionally, but if her hands were hurting, he could help her. He could do something besides sitting in a chair uselessly.

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad is your pain?"

Lea took a moment to answer, her heart still pounding. She tried to calm down, but everything was so new. Her hands felt like they were being ripped apart, but she was functional and at least able to answer his questions. She wasn't broken in her pain. Her mind was aching, but as the drugs cleared through her system was becoming more aware of her surroundings.

"An… about an eight," she choked out. Her throat was dry and it scratchy as she struggled out the words.

Shaun pressed the alert button to summon a nurse. He could administer pain medication himself, but she was scheduled as Dr. Melendez' patient and Shaun didn't want to go over his head. As soon as the nurse stepped in the room, he spouted out information.

"Lea's awake. Please page Dr. Melendez so her pain can be taken care of. And once you've finished, can you please bring her some ice chips."

The nurse nodded as she skidded out of the room, giving special priority to Shaun's instructions.

Shaun could hear the dryness in Lea's voice and wanted to help every bit he could. She didn't need to ask for him to care for her. He would do anything in his power to help her. He returned the clipboard and stood next to her bedside. Finally, the nurse returned with a cup of ice chips and handed them over to Shaun.

"Dr. Melendez will be here in just a moment," she updated them as she exited the room, though she was unsure how much the patient was actually listening. Normally the nurse would check on the patient, but instead, she gave Shaun some alone time with her. As curious as the nursing staff was about Shaun's lady friend, they also wanted to give him privacy.

Lea reached over for the cup before hesitating. With all the bandages she couldn't hold the cup. She could barely even move her hands without the pain tugging at her. She could not feed herself. As the realization she couldn't care for herself came, a ton of new emotions came flooding in. New tears welled up in her eyes.

"I'll help you," he whispered to distract her.

He leaned forward and placed a hand gently on her back, aiding her upward to drink. Normally he was nervous when he touched her, but a deep desire to care for his patient drove him on.

He rested the cup on her bottom lip, but she was stubborn and unsure if she was ready to be cared for.

"Take some Lea," he urged her on. "It will make you feel better."

When her mouth refused to open, a spark of pity rushed through Shaun.

He knew how badly she wanted to not rely on other people and how this was affecting her. It hurt so badly. He had to do something.

Shaun knew how people comforted their loved ones. He had seen it many times. He wasn't very good at it. Touching didn't feel natural to him.

He pulled the cup away from her lip and placed it on the bedside table, but he left his hand resting on her backside. He didn't believe he could comfort her, but he cared so much for Lea that he had to try something. He took a deep breath and his chest pounded. He wasn't good at this kind of stuff - it didn't come naturally. He flicked his eyes away from Lea as he pushed through his nervousness, staring into the floor.

In small circles, he rubbed Lea's back. It was small at first, the smallest circle he could imagine, but he slowly rubbed larger circles onto her back as he noticed her body was relaxing. A hum came from within him. He meant to say more, but he couldn't think of the right thing.

Lea seemed unsure since the sensation was so new to both of them. She hadn't been expecting physical attention from Shaun, let alone the comfort it gave her, but it felt so good. Her body seemed to melt back into his touch. She needed him close. Her heart rate was steadying, and she finally felt safe in the new setting.

Shaun paused, already starting to second-guess himself.

"I'm sorry," he said, already pulling away. He was already regretting his decision, sure he was upsetting Lea. He wasn't good enough. Would he ever be good enough?

Lea pushed herself against him, her head brushing his chest as he leaned over the bed. She could feel his warmth through his clothes and be comforted by his heartbeat even though it seemed to go too fast.

"Hold me, Shaun," she begged him as her eyes looked up to meet his.

Shaun had to force his eyes to the wall behind her, but he did what she said. He pulled himself onto the edge of her bed and let her lean herself onto his chest. With her arms laying safely in her lap, he wrapped each of his arms around her. She shook into his chest as she cried.

She needed him.

And he was here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter right before the release of the new episode. I'm feeling a lot better so I was happy to do 2 chapters this week. I hope everyone enjoys.
> 
> As always, I always LOVE reviews and they really inspire me.


	6. Chapter 6

That night in the hospital was grimmer than most.

Lea cried until the tears stopped flowing and she couldn't stand to choke any longer. She had been holding herself close to him as she could as she cried, desperately clinging to his chest. When there was nothing left for her to feel, she let felt her grip loosen, though she kept close enough to feel him.

He held her so closely that Lea could feel his beating heart. It was peaceful. Soothing. All the companionship she'd been craving since she returned - though she had been too stubborn to reach for his friendship. She'd been too hurt and scared to reach for his aide. And yet, Shaun was here taking care of her. Caring for her. Helping her.

Shaun found the whole situation mildly uncomfortable. There had been so little times he had been physically close to people in the past, but he was unable to say anything. He knew he needed to be there for his friend; his heart ached for her. If she needed someone to hold her that's what he would do. He vowed to do anything in his power to make her feel better.

Eventually, her heart rate slowed to match Shaun's heart's steady beating. The leftover sadness within her was beginning to fade. The pain in her hands slowly numbed, and she felt calm again. She became drowsy. Less from the drugs and more from the exhaustion she was experiencing.

When a light snore filled the room, Shaun knew the morphine drip had finally kicked in. He was safe to take a few moments to gather himself. He gently lowered her into the bed, being extra careful not to wake her, and pulled the blanket back over her. He knew sleep was beneficial and she would need a lot. It would help her heal quickly.

As he stood next to the bed, he wondered what he should do next. He wasn't scheduled to go back to work for another twenty hours and he wasn't too hungry. He was still tired, but the few hours of sleep had helped him to feel a bit better. More than anything, he was still very concerned about Lea. He wasn't sure if she should be left alone. Would she be okay if she woke up and Shaun wasn't here?

He rocked on his feet a few times before looking out the window. Through the falling snow, he could see the bus stop and was quickly reminded of his rush to find Lea. He had hung up on Dr. Glassman as nothing as more important than making sure she was okay.

He pulled his phone from his back pocket and checked the screen. There were quite a few messages from Dr. Glassman, most of them panicked from Shaun's sudden hang-up but they seemed to quickly become less frantic and more concerned. Someone must have informed Dr. Glassman that Shaun was in the hospital safe and sound.

Shaun typed a quick "I'm sorry. Everything's okay." and hit send. Hopefully, his mentor wouldn't be too upset with him. He jammed his phone back into his pocket, unsure of what to do next.

He was about to sit back down when Claire appeared in the doorway, her usual smile on her face. She waved to him in an effort to call him out, but Shaun just waved back awkwardly. Instead, she mouthed for him to come out. He could not read her lips, but she insisted he come towards her to discuss something.

He needed to stay close to Lea, but he knew it wouldn't hurt to take a step into the hall to breathe and see what Claire wanted. As much as he didn't want to leave her alone, he would only be a few feet away. He would still be right there, only a few moments away.

"She looks like she's doing a lot better," Claire asked when they were out of earshot distance. Her words were sympathetic towards Shaun and she was being extra careful to not upset him. She could see the concern brimming in his eyes, but she was glad to see that Shaun was a lot calmer in demeanor now. He was much closer to the Shaun she had grown to know over the last few months.

"Her burns were mild but very painful. She was very upset. She should heal with time, but the morphine is helping for now," he reported to Claire. They both knew the morphine wouldn't last. It was too addictive. She would be put on mild painkillers sooner than later.

Shaun quickly took a moment to stretch and look over Claire's shoulder to quickly check on Lea. She was still sleeping peacefully. It calmed his anxiety for a few more minutes.

"That's great Shaun. I'm glad she's going to be okay. How is she doing emotionally? She seemed pretty distressed when she came in earlier."

"She is okay now. That's all that matters." Shaun nodded to himself. He thought back to when he held her. He could give her all the medical care in the world, but his touch had been the thing to help her feel better. He was still unsure of how he felt.

"I saw how you were holding her," she paused for a second, being extra careful how she selected her words. "I know it couldn't have been easy for you." Claire couldn't think of a time she ever saw Shaun so emotional or physically intimate. She had to admit she was interested in the whole situation.

Shaun wasn't sure what to say as a reply. All he could manage was to wring his hands together as he rocked on his feet. Lea was okay. And therefore, he was okay.

Claire sighed and reached for his shoulder, but pulled back at the last minute, knowing he preferred her sympathy from afar. "I want you to know I'm here. Anytime. Anyplace. If you need me, call me. All right?"

Shaun could only nod as a reply as he checked over Claire's shoulder one last time. Lea was still okay. With everyone's help, it would all turn out okay.

Everything had to be okay.

* * *

 

The new pain drugs she'd been taking weren't as strong as the morphine she'd been on originally. She had protested when Dr. Melendez had decided to switch her over, begging Shaun to keep her on the good stuff. She feared the pain that tore at her hands would return.

It was difficult for Shaun to say no to Lea, so he had been relieved when Melendez had stood his ground. Despite all of his better judgment, Lea tugged at his heartstrings and affected the care Shaun could give her. It was for the best that Shaun hadn't been assigned to her case.

These drugs didn't pull her under and make her float around like the high she experienced on morphine. Instead, her body's exhaustion and damage kept her in a constant state of drowsiness.

She slept. A lot.

As she faded in and out of consciousness, she felt at peace with the world. As long as she was sleeping, she could imagine her hands slowly mending together under the bandaging. Hershey felt so far away that the pain the town caused had been pushed deep down out of her reach. It was the strong recharge that her body had been needing since her return. It gave her hands a chance to heal, but it mainly kept her mind at ease.

She was growing more used to waking up in the hospital room - at least she'd been moved to a private suite at the request of Dr. Glassman. The strange environment still felt odd, but she recognized her surroundings as safe.

Shaun wasn't always there when she awoke. He had to leave to work, but he always did his best to spend as much time with her as possible. He was being stretched thin between Lea and his personal care, but he was too worried to leave her alone.

This time she woke up feeling a bit more tired than usual. Her eyes fluttered open as she took in her surroundings. She'd move her hands and feel the bandages tug around them.

'Still not a dream,' she thought to herself.

The first thing she'd always do was call out to him. She'd search for him in the dark room, something in the back of her head hoping he was there.

"Shaun?" she'd ask, her voice dry and crackly. She looked around the room with foggy eyes.

Sometimes though, she would wake up and he wouldn't be in his usual place, sleeping in the small chair that sat in the corner. He would be working. This was one of those times.

She blinked in the room, wondering what to do next. Her back itched, so she was a tiny bit disappointed that Shaun wasn't here to help. She tried to adjust herself in the bed to scratch it and make herself comfier in the bed, but she had little success without the use of her hands. She could only huff at herself in annoyance.

She debated asking for help by pressing the call button, but she didn't feel like it was too important. She was still worried that she was a burden to the hospital staff. Instead, she sat by herself in the quiet room until a nurse walked in.

"How are you feeling honey?" the nurse asked in the kind voice she gave every patient she worked with, though the nurse had an additional fondness for Lea. Everyone heard the strange rumors that this was Shaun's girlfriend and they cared for the surgeon deeply.

"I'm feeling okay," she told the nurse, though she knew it was a white lie.

She had been feeling crappy since she'd entered the hospital, but on that day she found she was feeling more under the weather. Her back was still itchy and sore. She felt was more tired than she usually felt despite just waking up, but surely it was just exhaustion from spending so much time in the hospital bed.

The nurse hummed a comforting tune as she took in the response. She checked Lea's vitals and blood pressure, scribbling the information down onto her chart.

"Your temperature is a bit high. How are you feeling?" she asked as she checked the IV site. There was no redness or swelling, so she quickly threw out an infection.

"I'm feeling fine. I'm tired," she responded.

"How's your stomach? Any nauseousness?"

Lea had to think for a few seconds. Her stomach seemed upset, but she'd been eating so little she hadn't been too worried about it. "A bit. Maybe? I'm not sure," she responded.

"I will call the doctor to check on your hands soon. It's probably nothing, but we know how upset Shaun would overreact if we didn't follow up on it." The nurse laughed to herself. Lea didn't find it as hilarious.

Eventually, the doctor came. It wasn't Dr. Melendez, which allowed Lea to be quieter. Shaun's friends tended to be nosey.

She kept her eyes closed shut as the doctor unwrapped her hands. They were still very raw, her skin burnt down a few layers. She found herself unable to look.

"They seem to be healing well. Your fever is probably just from stress. You've been stuck here a good while. I bet you're eager to her home?"

Lea only nodded in response.

"I'm going to bandage these backup and I think you can be released tomorrow. Isn't that great?"

Lea didn't respond. Something was tugging at her. A voice that shouted that something wasn't right. She wasn't ready to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone wants to take a guess at whats wrong with Lea be my guest haha.


End file.
